Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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