I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
