My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize