I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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