and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
