There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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