My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
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