lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
