Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
