this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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