best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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