I just threw up on my dentist
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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