I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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