I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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