don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
