I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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