Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize