ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
