Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
