I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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