shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
