I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
