she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize