I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
