And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
