this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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