just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
another moral hangover. fuck.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
