You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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