Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Enjoy the penises
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
