so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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