cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
