Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
