Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
