Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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