Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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