i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
