can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
