they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
