There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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