how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
