She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
