I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
