Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
