If i come over, it means nothing
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
