My brain says no but my pants say off.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
