What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
