My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
