I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
