About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I deserve this hangover.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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