she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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