new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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