Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
