no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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