we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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