can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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