My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
