I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
