OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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