So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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