If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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