I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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