I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
