Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
